Thoughts for Giving Thanks
Sheri Fella
As I stumble my way through yet another week of this pandemic, and another holiday that in so many ways doesn’t resemble those of my past, I catch myself wondering what I really wish for, long for... and I keep coming back to the same wish. More deep connection... certainly having more time rises to the top of my wish list, too, but more than time itself, is the meaning that time might provide if I am present and connected enough to create it.
Is a real full body hug the same as a zoom connection? Of course not, but connection is powerful in whatever way it comes and I am striving for that every day in all the spaces I land in. And I am particularly striving for it over these next few months of holidays and winter time.
As a single person I thrive in quiet spaces and value time by myself. The time gives me opportunities to connect to me and get grounded in what I think, feel, see, desire... and the most meaningful practice I have for grounding myself is through the space of mediation and curiosity... just wandering around in my own heart, body and mind and being inquisitive about what this or that might mean, what this or that might be trying to tell me, how this or that feels as it emerges, how might I want to move through my day, etc.
As an aunt I have taken various niece and nephew trips over the years and throughout those adventures together, we often spent time asking each other questions. When the kids were younger their questions were playful and funny sprinkled with real depth as they were finding themselves. Now I find in these spaces with them, their questions are full of depth and are sprinkled with playful, funny curiosities. It has been a profound way for me to learn about them – who they are, what interests them, how they see the world, what lights their hearts on fire – and for them to learn about me. As an aunt who isn’t in their household day in and day out, those moments of learning are rare and powerful, and I am so grateful to have had those spaces together as we all grow and learn over the years. And I so look forward to more of them ahead – even if via zoom.
I wonder now how that same curiosity can create connection for us all over the months ahead. I know, I know we are all tired of video calls... and grateful for them too. How might we shift that online space into a meaningful adventure? How might we make more meaning for ourselves in that space so it is energizing and full of new discovery rather than a reminder of what we have lost? How can we make this time of presence and connection together a lifelong gain? What might happen if we get off our phones and into connection with each other?
I have a list of questions that I constantly explore in my life – with clients, with friends, with my team, with my family... and I add to the list when I find an energizing question that might be funny or meaningful or open up a blind spot for me.
If you are up for exploring, maybe start with your immediate family around the dinner table this winter... or schedule an adventure video call. Ask your loved ones to add their own questions to your list. Get connected and stay in that zone of curiosity and see what you learn... about yourself, and about the people you care most about. You might assume you know those loved ones all too well... and then the right question opens up a whole new cave to explore together. Ah, meaning! Connection!
And before we get to the questions, a few tips to keep this adventure space open, safe and fun to explore. Please don’t allow judgment in the cave with you. Hear what folks are saying and ask for clarity if you don’t understand, and try to stay away from challenges and critiques. Accept what emerges with grace and love, and be open to learning. And seek gratitude for whatever comes up as a way to learn about the people around you. Here are a few questions for you to begin with ...
What do you wish you would do more often as family?
How do you know when you feel comfortable or uncomfortable? Scared or brave?
Happy or sad?If COVID was a person, what might you say to this person?
If you could have one superpower, what would it be?
What is the best gift anyone has ever given to you? How did it impact you?
If you could invent something new, what would it be and why?
What legacy do you want to leave?
If you could change anything about your life right now, what would it be?
What is the one adventure you want to take more than anything?
What else is on your heart and mind? How might you create your own adventure of connection and meaning? I am so grateful for my safety, well-being and privilege and I am wondering how I might pass some of that on to others who aren’t experiencing those things... let’s all hold each other with as much care and curiosity as we can muster over the coming months. And let’s invite grace and kindness in to all of our homes as we navigate the winter ahead.
